It was the month of April, spring time!! Always hated it!! Although, something felt strangely odd about that summer! Yes indeed it was one of my first solemn post-break up springs and the worst too. Two years had passed and I had no idea how they did with a person who had always managed to hurt me to the core and punch every bit of life that my hearty soul wanted to feel! It was not love for sure…though what I couldn’t discover in those two years, it just flashed before my eyes in the coming months of my post- break up for which I wasn’t prepared at all.
To the world I was just Amanda Pickett, an average looking girl living in Manhattan, New York across Murray Hills. Manhattan was always known for being one of the major commercial, financial and cultural cities of the world. But the city never attracted me much. People in the city were always way too busy for their lives and I always, was a person, who loved spending time with their selves, I never had a fetish for fast life. Ever since I’d left high school, it was tough for me to adjust here in NY. I was initially from Ireland and was propelled to NY by dad; he wanted me to complete my graduation out here. Even so, I missed by all chances, the land of greens, the cattle, the exquisite Irish coffee, the mashed potatoes which was one of my favorite veggie which for no doubts was largely grown in my homeland and obviously the hand made cheeses. I wasn’t really a cow girl kind but I simply loved the Irish contemporary music and to admire the…..
................Oh! Good lord, that’s the time? I slept dreaming about my country land and now I just hoped, miss.Paskinsons forgives me, she was the head of my department of psychology and considered me as one of her most regular and punctual students. For the first time I was running late for my University and that too during my final graduation semesters! I just realized by then how can someone who’s known me for years, knowing the kind of innocuous person I was could possible leave me in such a position like this. I was struggling in my final year graduation and post-break up; it made everything just so futile! It was the hardest things I had to do, meaning how one feels to think off a person whom she believed had known her so well, left her in such a distorted condition and let her suffer like a dog whose just been abandoned from his beloved master…Yes the phrase was complete misfit for human to human love but that possibly was the greatest truths I realized! I was nothing more than a boat whose anchor was just lost.
This was Andrew Noah I was talking about, a musician by profession, sang exceptionally well at the Montez Bar and that’s where we fell in love for the first time. I never really had a fetish for hard rock music, since I was born in a land of soothing country music, but I believed love was all about accepting other’s choices and so I didn’t mind an inch for the nuances he caused by discussing it on almost every date of ours! I wondered did he even care talking about what I loved or what I did. The rest was summary! I was like a total absentee during whatever we exchanged and as years passed the behavior just got cynical. I mean, holy crap, I was exploited in the name of love and I never spoke against it! But it wasn’t longer, it was Christmas Eve and the world around us was celebrating and the only person mourning was me! It was the last day I ever saw him, it was difficult for me to hear any more of dark about myself and I felt its time to dump the hell out of him. It was my family who always had reminded me of this sobering fact but me just like all others who live in a world of blind love didn’t want to gulp the truth. I never wanted to accept that I was attached to the most wrong person for me. But until we don’t fall on our faces we don’t realize the world of myths we live in and so it was for me…It was a year end and so was my relationship too….it was over!
After all I was a human being that too a reckless one and I were bound to make mistakes. But this one did cost me very much. I lost on the most jovial days of my college life, I lost on my grades, and I lost on the time I could have spent otherwise with my family, my best friends than fighting over a lost battle each day in those years, over a relation which was a disgrace in the name of love. I lost on everything that could have made my life far better than it would have been without him. I realized how much I wasted my health over a guy. Though I never really assorted to alcohol, smoking or drugs to overcome my pain, yet just by not letting myself breathe with ease was itself a big loss of health. But as it’s always known to me since childhood, time heals everything. So I just concentrated too much in studying for my final term and there it goes, I banked myself with a second place that year. Finally graduated!!!
Few days of celebration were really a good turn on. But then what I feared the most was just on its way of approaching me, my vacations. I always as a child had the worst of vacations. Throughout my childhood, especially post my mother’s death, my father had become even more possessive of me, the only child I was. I was always eyed on my actions and allied relations. Being the only young girl in our family there always had been loads of pressures. Doing the household chores all by you, taking care of everybody and always reminding myself that no one’s going to now push me on. I was by myself! But by God’s grace I was gifted by such a father who always made life far easier than those people I have known living with a single parent! Nevertheless one thing he could never possibly give me was the warmth of a mother’s hug which through every year after she left and with every hardship I faced made me miss it even more and more....
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