Part III

           

            I came home back from the Cafe. I was sounding exhilarated and there was much light in my eyes now. I had my supper early that evening and called up Joey Fox, one of my close friends. He had been a great comfort in these bad days. Unfortunately he suffered through the same demise like mine, i.e. had a break up too. I told him everything, from speaking to my childhood friend to the fact that Erik &I have decided to catch up the next day and looking ahead for a real pleasant time. I chatted over the call for a couple of minutes and there came the turning point. Joey, lawyer by profession and birth too, happened to remind me that how I was pissed off on my ex, when he met girls alone being committed and the insecurities I suffered ever since. And that took an inclusive tax on my heart again as now I suddenly retained that, the guy, I was ‘so glad’ to meet tomorrow, was already committed to another girl! And by meeting him, all alone would rupture my own morals.
              Holy crap! That’s how I reacted by the thought of it! I disconnected the line and called him up immediately. I was sure I am going to make a good excuse of not meeting him alone. I didn’t care what the consequences it’s going to have on my heart but I never wanted to meet a committed guy alone, like this, especially when am I single too! The bell kept ringing and the receiver had surely given up on his phone. 
            I tried time and again and finally the same cheerful voice flowed across the line. I got lost for a second or two and spoke like a jet speeding up on the airway. I told him that I couldn’t meet him the next day and was very apologetic about the same. He was so acceptable that he never did really question much and made me save my excuses I had brained. Though being a downbeat thinker that I was,(especially during those dark days) I started off thinking as if he weren’t willing to meet at all. This was worse than he being knit to someone. I was just set, in getting back to my droopy mood again. I called my pal back and told him that I had canceled the meet. He was disappointed too as now he started blaming himself for making me gloomy again. I told him that it wasn’t his fault; in fact he served a great deed and saved his friend from going against her own ethics or else I wouldn’t be less faulty than my ex! He calmed after that and we hung up on each other. 
.........................................................The next day I was off to Ireland!!

                 The flight landed around evening. Had a lovely nosh with father, and it was a relief after so a long I tasted the European vine and the cheese cake desert that father knocked up for me. I decided that it’s the right time to tuck in the bed as neither were any chores left, nor did I want to talk to anybody as it wasn’t a right time for my mood to discuss how I spent my last few days in NY. I had completed all my work in delight of getting back home and now I was all blank. I did my prayers and tucked in my bed. It wasn’t a cheery night at all. I went off to sleep,accompanied by my own tears shedding from my fish shape blue eyes. I had been getting agonizing dreams ever since I broke up and with time they simply got poorer.

             In my dreams I always happened to be stranded across a street, getting wet in the rains all alone. The climate here was much against the one I had lived in since birth and the wind blew unusually. The relentless freeze incoming my body made it immobile and cold. Everything was always so dreary in my dreams, I was now shivering. I always tended to become hot and pale at nights. Suddenly a thunder struck in the middle of the road where I stood by getting all wet, cracking the pathway and I screamed in pain. My feet started trembling and so did the road and the noise of the water pouring from the clouds got louder and louder like a battle cry. I knew I was going to die. The earth was loosing its gravity and I slipped off the street banging to the nearby trees. My blood oozed out first from my temple, but something more painful was banging, pleading to break free. It was my heart beating aloud in my chest in deep ache. I knew I was breathing my last breathe and someone’s face lingered above my eyes. It wasn’t my ex for sure; it was a man, a charming face and an esteemed personality. I was panting, taking my last breathes and I hardly had vision. But the love that man had for me, made it easy for me. I realized it was my father and I woke up suddenly, with a gasp! I forced water down my throat and relaxed for a while. After a moment, I turned on the lights to see the time and saw it was just two hours since I slept. I was drenched in sweat. I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep again. I checked on my dad, who seemed far too asleep. So I followed my way in my living room hoping to see the last hour of some telecast, as it was about to get midnight. I turned the television set on and buried myself on the couch. I didn’t even know which movie I was watching which so was against me, as a person, who loved discussing flicks! Nevertheless the sound echoing from the speakers made me much calmer than the silences of the empty room which almost killed my insides.

              But in a moment or two I started feeling all murky and what acted worse was I felt my beneath s were quivering. But this wasn’t so severe too. And a moment later I realized it was only my phone vibrating robustly besides me. I held my phone in my cold hands & just when I saw the caller, it didn’t take me long to receive the call. The same voice hum again in my ears and Erik gently asked me why did I cancel the plan that night at the first place and what was the reason of me flying off to Ireland, in next to no time? He confessed to me that he was looking forward to meet me that day and didn’t question me about the changes I made later was because I was sounding uneasy and way to scurry to him! On hearing the sudden twist, I couldn’t contain myself and the outburst of emotions, made me put across the truth, that how I thought it was immoral to meet a committed person alone. I thought he would think I am a goner to think so naively or that he would tell me that how he and his girlfriend love each other a lot so the point of mistrusting each other doesn’t come into picture at all, summing to how immature I would be to think so. But as he heard my story out, he first respected my decision and then continued saying that there was nothing to worry at all especially now, if that were the case because............…and I wished my ear drums didn’t work for a second but more quickly than I would wish more of it, he told me he was single too. I was now, in doubt that, I was dreaming again. Except for when he started off with why he broke up with an enough evidence for me to digest, I just hung up on him. I had no clue why I did that, although my heart suddenly was beating zillion times faster than its normal rate. I was feeling all warm since blood was now gushing through my face and was feeling tranquil out of the blue. The movie going on suddenly seemed good. I was just happy. I mean somebody just discussed his break up with me and rather than being sorry for it, all I knew was that I was so stupendously glad about people breaking up. Suddenly my subconscious hinted me that he mentioned dumping her and that made me feel much better. Freak! I was a pathetic girl of my age.. But for the first time I didn’t regret being selfish. My phone was vibrating again and I just received the call with a new stance. He inquired, what was wrong? Was I unwell or something? And I gleefully said, I’m fine. I slept back and now wasn’t dreaming.