Selective Transperancy

         It's our best kept secret. It's the weapon that keeps us safe and guards us against of all people out there. It keeps everyone at a distance; while all the time making them think that they are on the inner circle.

It's the "Great Wall" we build around our heart to keep out intruders and terrorists who would come and destroy at the first opportunity.

With the selective transparency we seldom tend to justify...........

          We make it appear that we are doing well and that the pressures of life haven't gotten to us. If we need to, we make it seem like we’re struggling a little. Only enough to curb suspicion though. We continue to build this "Great Wall" and very few people question us. But we do continue to only give enough information to appease those who need it and in the process, become so ignorant to the fact that this wall isn't so great and that it's crumbling under the weight of denial and ignorance.

         We believed we keep everyone out and keep our self safe, but all we've done is trapped ourselves in. We then happen to teach ourselves to live in fear that someone will blast this wall to pieces, or find a way to climb over it. And, thus, rather than frantically trying to mend the broken areas and strengthen the weak ones, all we think that we’ll just sit back and watch.............

         Besides doesn’t one get sick of being trapped behind this stupid wall?? You feel so exposed with this wall coming down all around you...

So, come and see all that there is to see…as the wall crumbles and we get exposed to the world for whom we truly are!!!

Hope Lord, saves us from our enemies. The worst of which is our self.

Considering this selective transparency, revisited…

         I recognize in myself too the tendency to be very non-disclosing about some things. Now, please don't hear me say that this is a bad thing.This is actually a good thing, when approached in a healthy manner.

          There are things that some people don't need to know, but for myself, it has taken me to a point of dysfunction. I believe that for myself (not the "for myself" part) not disclosing certain things with people who I should trust has created a whole other list of tendencies and dysfunctions that I'm sure you really don't care to know.

The long and the short of it is that I need to be more transparent... and that scares me!

           You see, being open with people and letting them see you for who you really are puts you at risk. At least, I believe that it puts me at risk. Again, these perceived risks, when compiled together, make a long list of things not really worth sharing, for the sake of space, but they feel real, just the same. There is something, though, that is pulling me to give more. There is something in me that am longing to tell... I just want to tell, what I really think, and what I really believe and what I really feel!!!

           There is something in me that wants to strip off the attempts at seeming perfect, and try on the more comfortable, but much less flattering, "real" me.

 I imagine it being something like a cardboard box full of jelly. After a while the cardboard gets soggy and the jelly spills out all over the kitchen table. I guess Jelly was never meant to be stored in cardboard in the first place......

It's useless to be angry; It's pointless to try and run; It's counterproductive to blame...and it's even more unfulfilling to remain impenetrable....
Resistance becomes futile!