Part II

          

          Language...has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone, but it has also created the word "solitude" to express the glory of being alone. And I just over lived my solitude by indulging in all possible wrong relationships; and “this one” being the last one and the worst one too. It was now May end, the first month of my vacations. There wasn’t a single night where I hadn’t cried my eyes out. These were indeed, the nights of the living dead! I was just empty. I wouldn’t listen to music anymore nor watch movies. I hated to sit in the same room where the TV was on and wouldn’t answer a question until it was asked directly. I had started to realize I was avoiding everything I could. I was completely shuddering in everything I did. Memories close to us, when bad ones, could be more painful than our present adversities. How terribly alone I had felt. Even worse in the coming first week of April, it was a feeling so terrible as if something is wanting to break free, something penetrating my soul, some limb of my body badly in twinge, something ruining every bit of my mind, something in my heart blocking it from supplying blood to my nerves, or something stuck up down my throat, something so, so terrible that's acting against all what's right, as though it were forecasting for the violation against nature! It didn’t take me any longer to realize that I was plunging into depression.

            I don’t know how many calls I made to friends or in those days I would call them betrayers. Moment of insight was the old proverb I learned in my school days, “a friend in need, is a friend indeed” and It came up to me that how handful friends I had who could be relied on to in times like such. I had undergone two breakups before but this was the most shattering one for me, possibly because this was my first relationship that went on for so long than I imagined. I had spend half my summer looking for ways to distract myself then be it doing more and more chores in hand or cleaning till death or in working out a lot. I had considerably lost a good amount of flab those days too. But that wasn’t enough for me to get distracted. I started surfing over the net and spend loads and loads of hours talking to strangers, gossiping, & flirting if they were good enough, and fighting for crap too. I also met many of my old friends those days whilst I was surfing the net. It was good to get in touch with childhood pals. In those times I grew close particularly to one friend of mine. Erik Garner and I always met over the internet. We played a few duo games; spoke about our old childhood days. They weren’t any great talks but I always admired talking to him and the very little time we spoke. Erik Garner was a chiropractor. A chiropractor is the one who works with your bones and aligns your body. He stayed in Manhattan too, at Lexington Avenue, a place quite at a distance from Murray Hills where I resided.

           Since we both belonged to the medical fraternity, there were many talks that sort of kept the rapport in line always. We discussed about how we loved the nights at the New York City, though not the clubs, we just love the subtropical climate of the city, the hangouts at the central parks, wondering why we didn’t ever cross each other out there and Ireland from where we belonged. Unlike me, Erik migrated here on his will, he loved traveling and adventure, also had fancied the autumn swings and putting a toe forward for country music! Wow! I just loved, all what he did! I never really got bored of any conversations we had, which always felt shorter and shorter by passing days. It was ages since we met each other and one day over the net I asked him the same. However suddenly, I felt scoff at , when he wished to continue the conversation later as he was late for meeting his date…..I did get knickers in my twist and decided never to speak to him again. So whenever again I saw him online, I shifted to the invisible mode.

              My condition was just getting miserable and now I really needed to get out of the four walls I was trapped in. I called my so-called pals up and asked them to meet up at the famous Murray Hills Cafe, at a fair distance from where I resided. Oh they made excuses,lots, but I was pretty fused to the very idea stepping out of my apartment and I wasn’t giving up on this meeting at all. In the end they did agree and I was in a “YAY” mode ever since then. Earlier that day I had no intentions of discussing my break up with my friends but unfortunately I couldn’t get better! It just started flowing from my vocal chords and eventually got a bit annoying that evening whilst we met at the Café. The conversation followed with some of colleges bites and with a bit of girl gossip our meet up came to an end. I was simply discontented with how that bit went. Had hoped for a much better evening and now I just didn’t want to give it a thought. We were on way back home when my friends got a call and they had to rush through the other way. Again suddenly in the middle of the road I was left alone. I felt as if I am a barren land remained away from rains for years together. I couldn’t gather the courage to walk my way through. My legs were trembling and I didn’t understand what I was going to do back home? Had tried all ways of keeping myself busy but simply just couldn’t and now simply it was taking a toll on me. 
              I removed my cell from my jeans and started scrolling my contact list. For the first few names I went slow and realized it was a waste effort to call anybody. I have dug my own grave and have to go through the sufferings all by myself too. As I was thinking I didn’t realized that my thumb was still pressing on the scroll key as if it were stuck while I was deep in thought and the moment I released it, it stop by one name in the list. I felt as if a voice deep in within me was calling out and asking me to go ahead and dial the respective number and just talk whatsoever. 

               Listening to my soul, I went ahead and made the call. A voice very well recognized spoke from the other end and despite of the disturbances that came along with the hustle and bustle of the city and moving vehicles on the road, the voice seemed just so serene, with a buttery texture entrenched. I fumbled at first, so began with just a “hi” and Erik just went on and on. I was glad I didn’t have to make any effort to talk regardless of the time interval. It was nearly 9years or so since we last met. I was a child then and today things were much different, yet the flow of conversation seemed stirring with ease. I finally asked him that whether could we meet the next day and the answer ‘yes’ came up to me, no sooner than did I pose the question!!

               I suddenly broke into a smile and that was all for me to live peacefully for the day that remained. I couldn’t believe to myself that for the first time in my life, I asked out a guy and it wasn’t that bad after all. All the notions I had consumed all my college life that only guys are suppose to ask girls, be it for dating or for prompt nights or for marriage seemed so squat. I suddenly started feeling independent. I knew this one would turn out to be a good friendship and the one that would last for long...