Growing Old is Mandatory, Growing Up is Optional!!

                 It’s knowledge worth sharing!! That was my first reaction, when I came across this entire new genre, whilst I was doing my majors in psychology. I was told by my professor that the topic should be such that one must feel like exploring and learning more. It was my first Counseling projects and I had no clue that this one project is about to get so much wisdom! I pondered for day’s altogether; what is it that makes people worry the most; what is it that may help them the most?? Obviously since it was counseling, I started browsing over all those things that made life difficult and painful for all. I went from childhood disorders to dementia, from divorce to depression, from sexual abuse to substance abuse, from social anxiety to schizophrenia, from autism to unipolar depression, but lingering over all these for weeks, I was positive to be in need for counseling towards the end!

I didn’t leave a chance to curse my professors or to blame the system. However at some point of time, one must stop racing, with reality. I knew I had lost. I so wished I had someone to question and to confess my frustrations... I thought of my father and I knew I would be the appetizer when he comes back home; next I thought of my sister and then again I knew she would be appetizer cause it was like fighting a lost battle, that too with a soldier who charges money for even loosing! Ah! I so wished I had a punch bag, but, lets see, moment of truth, it repels back too. I just wished I had a pet dog, u know, at least it would patiently listen even if I am talking crap! And before I realized, I had plunged into day dreaming. I was cuddling a Yorkshire terrier and enjoying all the buoyancy it would get along! It's so unusual, so extraordinary, this human- animal bond!

I started the girl thing now… envying all my friends who had pets of their own, knew they’d never be nostalgic, the way I was! I so wished I had pet, then to add, I would be so content, would always have that someone in all the dark times, what could be better?

And Eureka!!

I mean human brain is just so startling, how quickly can these neurons fire… at least while studying them they looked a long course of action! Except, who cares for now, the neurotransmitters never concerned me anyways. I had my topic, now the only thing that worried me the most is whether human-animal companionship would fit in the spectrum of counseling psychology? Skeptical was my word. The good news was that this time to get the assurances; I didn’t have to go to the sources mentioned above!

Nonetheless, how generously I blessed the soul who got, Google!!

I read over many books on human- animal bond, until my eyes lured upon the word Animal Assisted Therapy. I read like a greedy animal and I was astounded that such a therapy can cure people and do wonders. It was like some virus breeding on me, not wanting to slow down. I knew I had overdone myself for over the days.Thus, my topic did manage to bank an approval.

The second term started and all of us had to present our rough drafts. I knew the file in my arms would stand out! With heads held high I went to my professor. I presented my rough draft and no longer, was I proud, on the amount of content I had collected, than she just reminded me that I was scatterbrained. A total smack down!  I had my project exceeding its perimeter, it awfully needed editing and adding to my dilemmas, I had interviews in hand, since I so graciously forgot I had undertaken a study and not a review! The only thing I was glad about is that these guys who have composed the syllabus never let me down! They yet live up to my expectations of being diseased to an extent of contaminating the young minds. No wonder suicides happen! I mean all the ruddy crap for 20 marks only? I rather sell the material and earn few currencies.

Does anybody know how Christmas was last year? It was full of composing questionnaires, conducting interviews, pleading the veterans for their time and approval, editing the journal, no Google this time, pondering on whether the neurons felt bad for all those comments and if time left over, sleeping! Finally towards the end of my term, I was done with Animal- Assisted Therapy and luckily I wasn't barking or quacking or groaning like animals. When I got my share of credits for all the hard work I had done, the system so easily was forgiven, the professors were blessed and syllabus all of a sudden seemed highly incredible! They say, images are remarkably and cognitively more retained than words, so I tried to Google out for an image which would reflect it all, these wonders of human- animal bond! But indeed, failed in that attempt.
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 The picture above is the very same which I used for my project cover page and it’s the very proof of my insight. I had realized by then that it wasn’t Google that day who went out of pictures, but it was just me who had started feeling like a mother, having delivered a baby so beautiful, wanting all the attention it could get and that it deserved!!

"Some experiences in life, costs you in Rupees, but they indeed come back to you in Dollars!!"

Incessant Ramblings of an Hearty Soul

"I told you I don't believe in romance anymore, why do you keep sending me flowers?"

        The days are hard but the nights are harder when you are left with something you don't think you deserve or you don't believe in. I mean you could love me and I could ruin it. I could ruin it like I ruin everything. Some people used to call me a catalyst, but I don't buy it, not at all. If  I'm indeed one catalyst, then to look at it through my perception, I am..irrevocably the one for the worst things that happen.

        The autumn sun takes no prisoners, but allows us to laze around in her glow without perspiring, just admiring the weather as it changes all season long. I never took advantage of this. I sat within the four walls and tried to let my woes be buried in the cement and the fashioned walls surrounding me. So am I getting consistently wrong in my methods to cure myself, my soul! Is anyone ever right? Well that doesn't really matter so much now..

        The night's getting in its own foes and harmful woes, but who knows? May be one day I'll get out of here. I like talking to you at night..Is it a dream in dream? Or an hallucination? what is it that's making me feel as if I am walking, breathing, living sin. And you're just the first human being in the garden of Eden.

To taste knowledge, you have to realize, there is fault, and lies, and breaking of the rules. I realized that I need you, and I need you in this way. You may continue talking to me. If not forever, then just for today.

        But with this captive soul of mine, you will soon grow tired of me as though your limbs will not be able to move. You will become like the whooping willow; crying forever, rooted in ground unwillingly, calling out for something lost. I always lose that something, because it loses me.. No one is ever willing to give themselves to me, like I do for them. You are not special, but I have loved you, or rather I will have loved you when this happens. Its unfair and bitter to love with greed but, the way you are, makes me do such sins!

        The time stirred like never before, as our first date had approached and this is all that is in my head. Why not just go to sleep right away?

        It was past midnight...and I woke up gasping you were never here and I realized I may perpetuate my own loneliness.

 P.S. "You can keep sending me flowers, I am in Love with you.."

Even a Crow Knows the Secret of Life

Some years ago,

in the many years that I had known him...

I asked a wise man just one question,

To unlock for me the mystery of life.

And he looked at me and smiled,

And i asked, "am I not allowed this particular question?

Is this a mystery of life forever hidden to us?

Must we live in this world, yet blind?"

And his answer was, "not at all!"

"All living creatures ask and are entitled to this answer...

and all seek the light of knowledge"

"So, do one thing," he said

You see that crow sitting on that fence?

go quickly, before he flies away

and ask him this question"

And I laughed and said,

"so this is truly not a question that I am allowed to ask!"

And he said again. "Not at all"

"Of course you can ask...

but you think that just because you can get an answer from me,

a man who wears the robes of the wandering mendicant

that it will carry more weight

and my experience will somehow enlighten your own mind?"

"Its the other way around..

it does not  matter who speaks the truth

what matters is who is listening

the day you are ready to hear and understand

and accept the full meaning of your own question,

even a lowly crow will give you the answer

to the ultimate mystery of life!"

just something to ponder.......:-)

                                                               -Priya Kumar

Wounds Of Truth

Very often in times,

we ask ourselves the questions that should not be asked,

say the things that should not be said,

act the way that we should not have acted,

but most of all,

very often, the truth hurts..

Very often in times,

we dream of the possibilities,

we try to run away from the reality,

we try to find the answer,

but most of all,

very often, the truth hurts..

Very often in times,

we try to find meaning of the questions being asked,

we struggle to find the hidden gist,

we attempt to get the best out of it,

but again,

very often, the truth hurts.

Very often in times,

we try to hold on the good reminiscences,

we make an effort to find an excuse, a reason,

we strive to make things be the way they want to be,

once more, very often, the truth hurts.

Very often in times,

we reverie of being wrap in the arms of the one you love,

we seek to picture the impossible,

we want to be the one in fairy tales, the one who lives happily ever after,

very often, the truth hurts..

Very often,

we think, we dream, we seek, we attempt,

we want the impossible,

we want things to be perfect,

very often, again, the truth hurts in a way we would never want it to be..

But once again,

dreaming the impossible would not hurt as much as reality,

dare to dream and let your imagination flow,

because, very often, the truth hurts..especially if you be blind in the hands of reality!

Truimph & the Pain

It is worth the agony,
It is worth the pain,
Worth all the moments
that drove me insane.

Worth all the wounds
felt deep in my heart,
worth all the tortures
that almost tore me apart.

This one moment of ecstasy,
Of winning against all odds,
I’m still weary of the wounds
But feel blessed by the Gods.

Standing up for what I believe in
And finding victory to my name;
This one moment of triumph,
Makes it worth all the pain.

This one moment of triumph,
Makes it worth all the pain.

                                                        -Pushkaraj Shirke